You’re busy. We’re busy. So here’s the deal.
You are not an UltraWords™ client if you:
• think beige is a colour
• think it makes sound financial sense to outsource your copywriting for $5 a shot
• want a milquetoast as a copywriter
• don’t know what a milquetoast is and can’t be bothered to look it up
• make, sell or do something that kills or hurts people.
Still here? You’re our kind of person.
The UltraWords™ Manifesto
1. Write Hard.
No flab. No fluff. No filler. Every word is in a fight for its life.
2. Edit Harder.
When you’ve finished writing, delete half of the text.
3. Don’t Bore Us, Get To The Chorus.
This isn’t prog rock, so quit the fretboard noodling. Get in; say what you’ve got to say; get out. Leave a beautiful corpse wherever possible.
4. Stab All Jargon In Its Eyeball.
Jargon is everyone’s enemy. It has no place in writing for the Web.
5. It’s Not About The Money, And It’s Not About The Design.
It’s About The Content.
Never forget it. This website looks like this for a reason. Bells and whistles butter no parsnips.
6. ‘Everybody’ Is Not
A Target Market.
We’re not the right writers for every organisation. (We’re not interested in working for arms manufacturers, merchant banks or venture capitalists, thanks very much.)
We’re definitely not the right writers for organisations who think their website’s main purpose is not to risk offending anybody.
Connecting with someone means you’re inevitably not going to connect with someone else.
Accept it. We have.
7. If We Ever Use Words Like ‘Synergy’ In Our Copy, You Have Our Permission To Shoot Us.
(See also Kill All Management Consultants.)
8. Fuck Grammar
It doesn’t matter if you split an infinitive.
It doesn’t matter if you end a sentence with a preposition.
It’s all just bullshit made up by people with nothing better to do with their lives.
As long as you’re connecting with your reader…
(Though running a spell check is never a bad idea.)
9. Enjoy Yourself—
It’s Later Than You Think.
There’s pizza and cheesecake to be eaten, single malt whisky to be drunk, dogs to be walked, meditations to be breathed, love to be made. Life is all about priorities and perspective.